Three years certainly does go quickly, I am truly amazed by how life can go by so quickly and how life can change.
I am excited to be celebrating 3 year since the day I decided to change. Since the day that I quit smoking, that I turned my heart back to the Lord.
I am so grateful for the choices that I made on this day three years ago. It was the best choice that I have made in my life so far!
Through out the past three years I have had a number of trials that have attempted to set me back in life, with help I have been able to cover come. That doesn't mean that they were easy or that they past quickly.
I am grateful for the trials that I have gone through, and for the trials that I still go through. They have made me who I am today.
Over the past two years one of the biggest trials I have had to go through is physical. At times it seems like everything was going wrong one thing after another. At times there have been tears and anger and at other times I have been determined not to let it beat me, because I know deep down that I am strong enough to get myself through any trial if I put my mind to it.
Over the past two years I have injured my back, knees and foot. Back in January 2010 I developed what is called
plantar fasciitis, it is painful inflammation in the muscle that runs along the bottom of the foot from the heal to the toes. The inflammation is due to tears in that muscle. My podiatrist said to me last month that most who have Plantar Fasciitis can be treated and recover within a few months, 1 out of 10 people have severe painful plantar fasciitis. I am lucky enough to be one of those 1 in 10. Yay for me! After spending thousands of dollars on difference treatments, new shoes, orthotics, steroid injections, it seems that it may talk some more patience and crossed fingers to heal this injury.
There are day when I have good days, when my foot feels like a normal foot. But then there are bad days, when every step will bring me to tears, when it's too painful to even walk. But some how, with a huge amount help from the man upstairs, and a lot of patience I get through the day.
As I mentioned before, I seemed to break a lot over the last 2 years. One thing after another would go wrong. Just under 2 years ago I injured my back, I had 6 bulging disks, after a number of tests they discovered that I had suffered a large amount of degeneration to the spine, to which was also causing a lot of pain. Thanks to a high amount of painkillers, strapping tape, physiotherapist and a chiropractor, I have finally got my back to a stage that I can deal with the pain, ever month I have a date with my no too bad looking chiropractor who cracks me back and keeps me all alined. Now most days I feel pretty good, with only a few really bad days.
Along with a few other smaller problems, and a
few that were harder, they were my two biggest physical trials, they were the ones that brought me to breaking point so many times. That cause a lot of tears. But now that I some what have got a control over them, I look back on the trials as a blessing. I have learn lots from the trials, I have learnt how to be patient, how to question what I am told, how to trust my "gut" feeling, how to admit I need help, I have increase my pain tolerance, and learnt how to see the good in my trials.
Another big trial that I have come to face over the past three years is to love myself again. After the
events of my ex, I have gone from a bubbly, fun, happy, confident girl to a shy girl with low self esteem and low self worth. Over the past two years more so I have worked a lot on myself. Over time I have not really noticed the differences in myself, but now looking back to where I have come, I know that I have grown as a person, and slowly I am getting back to a part of who I used to be, but more so I am becoming better than I have ever been!
My current goal at the moment that will help with all the trials that I am going through is losing the weight that I have put on over the past 5 years. The goal is to lose 30-40kgs. It's not easy, it takes a lot of hard work at the gym but also educating and restraining myself when it comes to food. But I am getting there, I have already lost 8kg this year, and I and determined to lose the rest!!!
It is interesting, over the past month I have been asked a few times what I want for my future, what does the future hold for me in Tasmania, and some people have question why I still am in Tasmania, thinking that I had just been waiting around for something. But Tasmania is where I have needed to be over the past two years especially. Within myself I didn't think that my time was up in Tasmania, I felt that there was still a reason for me to be here. And I am so glad that I am still here. It has been a great blessing, with all the physical challenges that I have gone through I have been very blessed to have the support of my parents, I have had the support of a amazing bishop. It wasn't my time to leave.
Over the past few weeks after a comment a friend made to me, I start to question if I had been wrong, if I should have left already, was I just putting my life on hold or wasting my time.
Well my bishop actually help me with what I was thinking, he turned around to me on sunday after having a quick chat, he said one sentence that I really needed to hear.
"Jess, there is a reason your still here."
Such a simple statement, hit me hard in my heart and soul. It answered the question that I had had in my heart for the past few weeks.
So to the friend that questioned why I was still in Tasmania.... I am here for so much more than think. I needed to be here to grow the friendship between me and my parents, to develop my skills in my career so that when I move, I will move to a better job. I needed to be here to grow my testimony, I needed to be here to grow strong, to get to know myself, to realise just how strong I am standing on my own two feet with out something to lean on. I have to be here for those that I love, for friends that have been there for me before.
You may thing that I have been here for other reasons. You have never been so far from the truth. It seems we don't really know each other any more. But know one thing... I am the happiest I have been n years. Thank you friend.
This chapter in my life is slowly closing, I am excited to see what the future has install for me, things are slowly falling into place, and the feeling of peace that I have reassures me that what the future is bring me is right where I need to be!
I am grateful for my past, for every trial, for every person that has left a footprint in my life, I am who I am today before of it. Thank you!
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