Monday, April 17, 2017

#100dayproject -What I am doing?


I first learned of the 100 Day Project on Instagram. The challenge is where you pick a creative thing to do for 100 days. It can be anything from stamping, lettering, knitting etc.
For my first year, I decided to send out 100 pieces of snail mail. I love receiving letters in the mail, it's exciting to receive anything that is not a bill or junk mail.

So far I am 14 days into the challenge and it has so far taught me that I really need to use my supplies!!! Especially my washi tape! It is getting to the point that I can not use some of them. Which is frustrating.

If you would like to see and follow on with my process follow me on Instagram- jess__cole (double underscore) & it's never too late to start the project yourself just pick a thing to do then go for it. Post your updates to Instagram with the hashtag #100dayproject

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

My Husband Made Me A Geek...

Before I meet my husband, Chris, I had never seen star wars, I had seen the first few Marvel movies but wasn't "Deep" into knowing about the comics or their back stories or how they are all linked together.

Well other that change....

My husband now has me hooked on all kinds of geeky things... Star wars, Marvel, Pokemon.
It still amazes me to this day. But I actually surprisingly enjoy it. It's something that we both love and do together. We love our movies and tv shows so it's nice that we both get into it together.
But I will never get into the scary horror type movies, nope no way his on his own, I draw the line there!

So with saying that I am HUGELY excited about the new teaser trailer for Thor: Ragnarok. And plus fellow Australia Chris Hemsworth is hot, you can't deny that one!

So enjoy...

P.s. my favourite line is from Thor: "YES..... We know each other, his a friend from work!"

Saturday, March 4, 2017

Tough Day...

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There are days when you wish for the answer that your looking for,
But then once you hear the news, you then wonder, were you really prepared in the first place to hear the truth?

Sure it gives you reasons, but what comes next, the unknown that is the scary bit.
You breathe a big sign of relief, finally, you have something to fight, something to blame.

But then in the quiet of the night, you start to doubt and start to wonder, are you strong enough? are you brave enough? Do you have the strength to do this?

You are already tired, at the end of your rope after fighting something that you thought that you starting to think that you could never win against.

You have so many hopes wrapped up in this new news, hoping that the fight is coming to an end that you can have a proper rest.

I want to know what it feels like to wake up in the morning feeling refresh from you 8 hours sleep, to have a week where you don't have a massive headache or a migraine restricting you to bed a day or two.
I want to have my memory back, rather than forget where I put the paperwork or packaging just 5 mins ago, having to write notes about all appointment and what to ask or else you'll forget.

I know what it's like to have energy each and every day, not just for one day than pay for it the next day with exhaustion and headaches.

And to finally feel like a new & normal person again.

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Connections....

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Throughout my life, I have alway thought to myself that if someone didn't reply to my message or phone call that I had done something wrong.
I was alway the person putting 150% in a relationship, whether that being a friendship or a relationship with a sibling.
I always thought that the rest it was not a two-way fair relationship was because I didn't deserve it, that I wasn't good enough.

Over the last few months, years I have slowly learned that I deserve friendships & relationship where putting put in equal effort. I deserve to feel wanted, not to feel like crap and only contacted when someone wants something from me.

It took me way too long to realise that you shouldn't stay friends with people who never ask how you're doing.

I want people in my life that care about me, that care enough to reach out to me when I am struggling. Friends may go weeks or months or years without talking to each other but making the effort to each other when the opportunity come up to see them or to message them or to call that makes a big impact. Rather than silence.

Now I want to surround myself with people that care about me. People that I care about. People that want to know the real me. People that take time for me. 
Surround yourself with people that love you.

Monday, February 27, 2017

Song of the Week....

This week I picked a song that is on one of my Spotify playlists when I just need to kinda of zone out. When I just need to accept the hard time that I am going through.
But that it's a moment in my life, it may seem like a long moment, but I can survive it, I can get through it I just need to be strong, to push through it.
At the moment, yes I have more bad days than good, but that will slowly change to being more good than bad.
Oh, I do LOVE Delta's new album. So strong and powerful.

My favourite lyrics from the song....
How did it all get so heavy
I used to stand up so tall
There's only so much I can carry
Before I fall
And they tell me "girl you're so lucky"
"You've got the world in your hands"
But you know the world gets so heavy
You don't understand
And that's heavy

So I hope you enjoy this week's song.

Project Life 2017

"We take photos as a return ticket to moments otherwise gone."

This is my second year doing Project life, last year I complete a full year doing 6x8 layout albums in a monthly format.
This year I decided that I needed more room to be able to tell more stories, to be able to record our lives in more details. To remember no only the big things in life but also the small funny or hard moments.

I have loved being able to look back out our lives and remember simple things that we may have done one day or remember how cute Chris looked fallen asleep on the couch- I tend to take a few photos of him fallen asleep on the couch after work, he just looks so cute lol.

So let me share my first layout for the year.

Week 1: 1st-8th Jan 2017

PART 1:

We celebrated the new year with my brother in law and his wife, and my father in law. It was a nice relaxing night. At midnight we cheered to the new year and played with sparklers.

This week was a somewhat quiet week, I was still pretty sick, so there was a lot of Dr's appointments and resting. in all honest it was a very hard week being sick, I was able to finally find out, after a week and a half why I was so sick. Ended up being withdrawal symptoms from a medication change that they had done in December, my old medication as I Found out has some nasty withdraws.

PART 2:

On one of my good days, we were able to head down the coast to meet up with my sister and the rest of the Kokoda challenge team and their families for a post training BBQ. It was really good to catch up with Steph again- she did the challenge last year with Cass. And it was also good to be able to meet the two new team member husband and wife, Allen and Jenny. 
They are all really awesome nice people and great to be able to hang out and have a nice relaxing afternoon with them.

The week we also went to see Star Wars: Rouge One with John, Tim and Crystal. Chris & I didn't tell John that I had actually seen it already down in Hobart, but I was more than happy to see the movie again. I still can't believe that my husband has gotten me into Star Wars. Seeing that before we started dating I had never seen a since movie! Now well I even enjoy watching the cartoon series Rebels.

This week we also took down the Christmas decorations, which I hated. December was a very hard month for me I felt like it didn't really get to enjoy the month and do the normally Christmas things that I like to do like baking etc. But they had to come down, I didn't want to be the crazy couple in the apartment complex with their Christmas tree still up.

Also as you can also tell. Chris is excited about the next Star wars... he has already started to send me the countdowns!

So each week I like to include the same format of week title card, the "this week" card where I give a run down of things that also happened that week that I may not have photos for. And I also like to include the Gratitude card, making sure that each week I focus on the things that I am grateful for. with all the negative things happening with my health I need to focus on the positives, as hard as that can be this gives the a good reason to really focus.

I will be sharing Week 2 with you soon :)



Saturday, February 25, 2017

March Goals

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This month I want to work on me, really focus on me and no one else, and not worry about what other people are thinking or what is going to happen in the future.

I am still fighting the dark cloud of depression and anxiety. And nothing that people were saying to me seemed to get through the fog of my head. But over the last few days, I have somewhat decided to try thinking that I think may help me, not keep trying things that other tell me to do that I just don't response, that I just seem to shut down even more.

It's a continuous fight. every day, every hour, every second for me at the moment. My mood, my thoughts can change so quickly, with no reason. My body also has a huge physical effect on my, my anxiety takes a lot of form through physical symptoms, and none of them is nice at all I can assure you of that. And it also takes a lot of out me making each day even harder.

This month there are certain goals that I want to aim to achieve. Starting simple, within all these goals are small baby steps set out, cause if I don't do that then I just get to overwhelmed and loose confident that I can do it.

So enough blubbering let's get down to the list....

March Goals...

  1. Create a Morning routine:
    • Have it broken down to each little thing
    • Laminate it and have it next to my bed and in the bathroom
  2. Create a Evening routine:
    • Have it broken down to each little thing.
    • Lamitate it and have it next to my bed and in the bathroom
  3. Create a Self-Care list
    • Do one thing from this list every day.
  4. Stick to the Cheapskates Club $300 per month grocery bill challenge.
    • Create inventories-Pantry, fridge & freezers
    • Expand my recipe book
    • Create a meal plan for the month
    • Create a shopping list
  5. Try to blog at the very list once this month! Hopefully more
  6. Project life
    • Keep up to date with my notebook & gratitudes
    • Work on completing 2016 project life
    • Keep up to date with 2017 weekly spread
    • Film a layout process video
  7. Read one book, and complete it!
  8. Keep up with the house work
    • Put together cleaning a schedule 
    • This includes watering the herbs!! Don't kill them!
  9. Continue to cook something each week, even if it is something small
  10. Get outside more even if it's just for ten minutes.

So there you have it, these are my goals for the month of March, my intentions. But the main one, one that I have not listed there is to focus on me, to put me first make myself a priority. 

But the important thing is that at the end of the month if I have only been able to achieve one thing off this list or even just half of one, that is still an achievement in my book from where I am currently sitting, any progress is better than none.

Thursday, December 29, 2016

2016 Mini Reflection...



Over the last few days, I started to reflect on where my life has lead me and Chris over the past 12 months. It has certainly been a roller coaster for us both. We have had both really good and bad times throughout the year, but it has made us grow stronger, it has made our marriage, our friendship a lot stronger.

2017, I really want to focus on myself and also people around me. One of those things that I would really like to do is to reconnect with people in my life, to make real connections with people and to put the effect into keeping those relationships going.

I have a bad habit of pushing people away when my anxiety gets really bad, and by doing that a lot of my friendships break down.

So in 2017 I am going to work on making wholesome real meaningful connections that are two ways street. I need to learn to try in people and show then that I try them by talking to them, sharing my life with them and in return allowing them to then open up to me.

Over the next couple of days, I am going to be sharing with you my 2017 goals & intentions. 2017 is going to be a good year, it will take a lot of work to make it the year I want, but I am determined!!

Hello... Long Time...

Ok, time to give you all a run down to what is happening with this blog, I know over the past two years I have been swapping and changing.... BUT I am back!

I have decided that I am going to keep my original blog. I have decided this for a number of reasons, but when I first started to want to get back into blogging so much had changed and I wanted a fresh start. But I just couldn't get into the new blog, and I keep thinking back to my good old original blog, and I just didn't want to give it up. It has so many memories that I don't want to forget any of it, the good or bad all the posts are a part of who I am.

As you may have read from my last big long blog post over the last two year I have been struggling to deal with my anxiety and depression especially the last two nearly three months, which lead me, my husband and Doctor's to decide that the best things for me was to admit me to hospital for a medication change. I was discharged on the 15th December and the next day we flew out to Tasmania for Christmas with my parents.

Things are still going on with regarding to my anxiety and depression and there will be another medication change which again we will do in hospital due to medical symptoms that I have had to deal with over the last week and a half- totally wasn't expecting the withdrawals from my old medication and it has hit me hard!

But things are slowly getting better and will continue to, I will not let it get the best of me.

So I have decided to start blogging again it's an outlet for me to express myself, and no it will not be just about the hard time that I am going through I promise.

So end of the post... I'm back! I do want to do a blog makeover and update, which will happen at some point soon, need to get around to that but hey let's focus on regular posting.

Monday, December 26, 2016

WARNING: EXTREMELY LONG RAW AND HONEST POST…

Like so long, go get yourself a nice hot drink to enjoy while reading.
You've been warned! 

My name is Jess, And I live with chronic anxiety, with panic attacks and chronic depression.

Over the years I have been ashamed & embarrassed to talk about this topic, but today that ends, today I stop pretending.

This is my story and I am sharing this not to get sympathy or attention, I don’t want the “poor jess” I want people to understand how hard mental health can be, how so many people are so scared to share what they are going through because they're afraid of people judging them.
There are a lot of people in my life that have no clue that I live with this every day, or how bad it can be.
Every day is a struggle, a constant fight with myself. Each day a roller coaster.

I developed my condition about 9 years ago. And for many years I learnt how to “cope” with it, coping for me is to bottle thing up, to bury them deep down so that I don’t see or feel them, I build walls, I push people away and most of all I wear a mask.
I hide the true self from people in fear of being rejected, from fear of them thinking that I just want attention or that I am being a drama queen or that I am just faking it.

For the past 2 & 1/2 years, these coping methods that I have used to get through my day to day life have worn me down to the point where 2 months ago I could no longer act, to pretend that I was ok anymore, I shut down.

There are a lot of people in the world that don’t understand mental illness, that hasn't seen first hand how it can affect someone.
Even though you can’t see on the outside a broken arm or leg, doesn't mean that that person your standing next to or that you are friends with isn’t completely broken inside. Some don’t realise that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.

My condition over the last year has gotten so bad that I get physically sick from my anxiety and panic attacks. That I have a range of medications just to help me somewhat function on a day to day basis. But 6 weeks ago that all changed, my main medication, the medication I use to help control my anxiety and depression stopped working, I stopped and I crashed.

On Friday 2nd of December between myself and my specialist it was decided to change medication, but to do this it was safer for me to do so in hospital, I was exhausted from sleep deprivation, on average each night only being able to sleep for 4-6 hours of broken sleep, I was out of energy, and in hospital they can change medication faster than outside due to having the medical monitoring, and also the additional support.
I have since been discharged and spending a time in Tasmania to recover, my body is exhausted but also going through withdrawal symptoms from the old medication, it is not easy, it's still a struggle. There is still a strong chance that I will return to the hospital for another medication change because it takes time to get the right one.

The reason I am sharing this is because I am the person that wears a mask, that only shows the good side both online and in real life, my smile holds back the pain and the tears. I want to become a “Real person” both in person and online. No, I am not going to start whining or wanting attention, that is not me, I will just share my real life.

To anyone suffering wth Mental illness… 
You are one badass person! Stronger than you will ever realise because nothing is more terrifying than battling with your own mind every single day. 
And I want to promise each one of you that if you suffer from mental illness you are NEVER alone, there are always people to talk to if you ever need someone to just listen or to distract you please know that you can always talk to me. No matter how close we may or may not be, no matter if its been years since we have talked or just yesterday or even if we have never talked.

To those that don’t suffer from mental illness, some words of advice…
Just cause you can’t can’t see the injury doesn’t mean that someone isn’t hurting or broken. So be nice, show kindness to all those that you come across.
If you are going to ask a person “R U OK”, “Can I do something for you” or “Do you want to talk about it”…. MEAN IT!!
Don’t say it if you don’t mean it, cause we can tell when someone is not being sincere, we can see the reactions in your face, we can see the unread Facebook messages or the silent replies. Don’t FAKE being nice, make real connections.
If someone trusts you enough to tell you personal things such as their struggle with depression or what anxiety feels like or just how they feel in general, please don’t be a shitty person and brush it off by belittling it just because you’ve never experienced it. it feels like shit to be told your feeling don’t matter by the one person you actually trust enough to tell.

If someone shares with you what their condition is and you don't understand it or never experienced it, if you truly care about that person then education yourself! There are so many websites out there that have so many resources for those that support suffers.

And lastly, there are four people in my life that over the last two years and especially the last 4 months they have been beyond amazing, my awesome parents that no matter where in the world they are and no matter what hour of the day or night they are always there to talk to me.
My little big sister, that gives me pep talks, calms me down or gives me the spare key to her house to let me go play with her cat or to come over late night when I just want a cuddle from my sister.

And last but far from least my husband Chris that paces back and forth with me for hours in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep due to restless legs or just hugs me tight when I’m having panic attacks. There are so many other things that I could go on about on about that he selflessly does for me, he is my best friend, my soul mate and the best thing that has ever happened in my life.